You may or may not be aware of the Love Languages. According to Dr. Gary Chapman, there are five Love Languages. They are:

• words of affirmation,
• acts of service,
• receiving/giving gifts,
• quality time,
• physical touch. 

And, you have a primary love language - one of the five resonates with you more deeply than the other four.  Seldom do a husband and wife will have the same love language.  We tend to speak our own language. So think about how you know that you are loved. Do you feel most cherished when your spouse gives you a present, or when they tell you how fabulous you are? Do you appreciate hugs more than your spouse offering to do the laundry? Whichever one resonates most with you is probably your primary love language.

What about your spouse? What about your kids and stepkids? We each have a different primary love language. Do a little detective work and figure out how your family members most want to be loved - then try speaking their language!

        

I just want to wish you and your family a very Happy Christmas, and a wonderful New Year.
Be Blessed,
~Susan

        

It's the season of Thanksgiving.

As a special project this month, I've chosen to report on my Facebook page everyday one thing I am thankful for.  I have no shortage of amazing things in my life to be grateful for: love, my husband, our kids, my parents, God, flowers, sunsets, the telephone, my dogs (well, at least on a good day!) music, laughter, children, crayons, colors, the fact that I can get out of bed each morning, sushi, Listerine, diamonds, art, fish...you get the idea. I could go on like this all year!

So what are you thankful for??

        

It seems like everyone I meet lately is in a blended family!

I am currently doing something called Clinical Pastoral Education, which means I am "working" as a Chaplain Intern at a hospital. (I put working in quotes because while I put in clinical hours, visit patients, and write papers about my experience I'm actually paying for the privilege of doing this.) Anyway, as I make my way around the hospital, I talk with all kinds of people: patients, staff, family members, doctors, nurses and volunteers. When I mention the blended family angle of my ministry, I inevitably hear about their experience in blended families.

It always strikes me as kind of funny when someone says "We aren't a blended family, we're a normal family." but then they go on to tell me that their spouse was previously married and had two children! Hello?! That means they're in a blended family! It also means they're a normal family - we are the new normal.

        

Lots of people see life pessimistically. They are "the glass is half-empty" sorts. They will always look on the dark side of things, and tend to see only what is wrong or stressful in their lives. If you ask them how they are doing, they will give you a long list of complaints about their health, their stepchildren, the weather, their neighbors and how unfairly life is treating them.

Others are optimistic. They see the metaphorical glass as being "half-full." These are the sunshiney, happy-go-lucky sorts who always see the good in everything. You ask them how they are, and they will answer "Wonderful!" even if it's still raining, and the hurricane blew away their roof.

Then there are those special, intuitive people who understand that the real question is not about whether the glass is half-full or half-empty. It's not about being pessimistic or optimistic! It's really about being grateful that God has given you a glass, and it is twice as large as you need.

How do you see your glass?

        

I know that starring in your own Reality TV show isn't for everyone, but I thought I'd pass along this opportunity to all of you:

Re-Married with Children? We need the Real-Life Brady Bunch!

A major cable network is seeking a blended family with several children from previous marriages to star in a new reality series all their own!

Is your family overflowing with personality? What makes YOUR blended family unique, unusual, or interesting? We would love to hear your story if you are about to get married or have been recently re-married…WITH KIDS! We’d love to see a family with at least TWO KIDS FROM EACH PREVIOUS MARRIAGE and ideally all living under the same roof.
who are either/or:

- About to get re-married
- In a newly blended marriage
- Multi-racial
- Struggling with the blending process
- Combing contrasting cultures or lifestyles

If this sounds like you or a family you know, send an email with your story, a family photo, and your contact information to: Brent Hatherill at Sirens Media: sirenscasting@gmail.com.

So, there you have it. If you ever dreamed of being a star, this may be your moment! If you are cast and get on TV, be sure to let me know - I'll want your autograph!

        

I just returned from the AMFM Conference in Phoenix, where I spoke on Strengthening Stepfamily Marriages! It was great, I made lots of connections, and met a bunch of great people in ministry. (A big HELLO to all those folks who just signed up for my monthly newsletter - sign up at www.advicefromtheblender.com)

One question had me stumped though: "How do you define a stepfamily?"

The definition of a stepfamily or blended family (and I use the terms interchangeably) is kind of nebulous! I see it as a family which is formed by the marriage of two adults, in which at least one of the adults brings a child with them to the relationship, no matter what age the child is.

That means that even if neither person has ever been married before, but one of them has a kid from a previous relationship, or through adoption, they ARE forming a stepfamily when the wedding takes place. It also means that if the two people getting married are in their 70's and they have grown children and grandchildren who don't even live with them, they are still forming a blended family, albeit one which is scattered through several homes.

Speaking of grandparents, if your adult child marries someone who already has children, you have now become a stepgrandparent - you are now part of a stepfamily! Welcome aboard the blender!

If the partners are not married, but cohabitating, and one or both of them have children, they form a psuedo-stepfamily. This is trickier, because there is no legal commitment. The relationships will have some aspects of stepfamily dynamics, but none of the responsibility.

Whatever you call it, treasure it! There's a reason God put your new family together the way He did. Make the decision to love all the members of your blending family, and see what you can learn from them today.

~Susan

        

I'm spending my weekend gearing up to speak next week. I'll be holding a workshop on Wednesday August 5, at the AMFM Conference in Phoenix, AZ, about Strengthening Stepfamily Marriages! Come see me if you can!

Also, it looks like I'll be holding House Blend Workshops in Scottsdale, AZ this fall! They will be held at Hope Community Church, on the third Sunday of each month, beginning September 20th, from 1:00 - 4:00 pm. The cost to register is $50/couple, or $30/individual.  Anyone interested can register with me, by emailing susan@advicefromtheblender.com.

Looking forward to seeing all of you!
~Susan

        

It's the 40th anniversary of the moon walk today! ...NO, the actual walk on the moon, it has nothing to do with Michael Jackson.

I remember watching the Apollo 11 drama unfold on TV.  Neil Armstrong took his first steps on the moon; it was a small step for a man and a huge leap for mankind. Seriously - the first person to walk on something that isn't on the Earth! That's huge!

Anyway, I told the kids that I remember seeing this unfold on television. They looked at me and said, "You were alive in the actual 60's?!" Sheesh! Not exactly the reaction I was hoping for... Feeling old, anyone?

        

Continuing with our theme from a few weeks ago, here's what I've learned from doing "the summertime shuffle," that time of year when you have stepkids visiting for the summer, or your own kids head off to visit the other parents for a time:

   3.  Ease into things. As much as you want to fill your children's summer days right away with fun and exciting educational adventures, like going to the zoo, the beach, the art museum and the annual blueberry-picking festival; remember that your kids may not be as gung-ho as you are. Try not to overschedule their visitation (or their return). Sometimes just hanging out at home is all they want to do.
 
    4.  Have a backup plan. Your stepkids arrive with hand-held video games, cell phones and ipods in hand, and barely grunt as they flop down on the sofa. After allowing them a few days for decompression (see notes #1 and #3), have a few activities in mind for the inevitable moment when they declare, "I'm bored!" Going to the movies, rollerskating, swimming, visiting your local library, hiking, miniature golf or a visit to a local state park are several options. Check your local newspaper for kid-and-teen-friendly ideas. For example: our town hosts "Mighty Mud Mania" every July in which kids under 18 can play in a gigantic mud puddle all day for free! It's messy, but it's loads of fun!

    5.  Don't take it personally. Remember that summer visitation means that your child has to emotionally detach from their other parent - and that is not easy. Sometimes this means you end up with a prickly, grouchy, snarky kid for a few days. While it might make you feel better to berate them about how annoying and irritating their attitude is, try to remember that it isn't about you. Always speak the truth in love, but before you say anything, stop and think: Is this necessary? Is it helpful? Is it kind? If not, then keep your opinion to yourself. (Note: I'm still working on this one!)

Above all, remember to hug your children, tell them you love them, and remind them how special they are to you - every day. "Lift up your eyes and look about you: All assemble and come to you; your sons come from afar and your daughters...you will look and be radiant, your heart will trob and swell with joy!" (Isaiah 60:4-5)

Dancing right along with you,
Enjoy the summer!
~Susan